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Blizzard terms of Use Simplified : World of Warcraft General Discussions

Posted: October 24th, 2009, 2:19 pm
 
king_yoshi

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Fun little summary of blizzards TOU that I found.

And now just for fun the TOU in layments terms!

BATTLE.NET TERMS OF SERVICE
Yo, Blizzard made battle.net, here's our rules!

1.We're gunna let you use battle.net, and by doing you so you agree to everything we say here. By the way, don't mess with our notices, we can change anything we want and ban you for no reason at all anyways.

2. You know that number we sold you with our game? We need it back so we can track you. Thx!

3. Everything on battle.net we make, we own. Everything you make on battle.net? We own that too.

4. Using Battle.net
A - You CAN, just don't do the follow...

(i) Don't sell our **!% to anyone
(ii) Don't copy our **!%
(iii) Don't recreate our **!%
(iv) Don't imitate our **!%
(v) Don't hack our **!%
(vi) Don't imitate our **!%, yes, we know we listed this twice, we really don't like it
(vii) Don't attack our **!%
(viii) Don't be a douchbag
(ix) Really, don't be a douchebag
(x) We mean it, don't be a douchebag
(xi) Don't pretend to be us
(xii) Oh, and because I haven't mentioned it enough yet, don't be a douchebag
(xiii) Don't spam, we %###in hate spam...
(xiv) Don't break the law, unless it's not breaking law where you specifically live...
(xv) Don't change anything we didn't tell you to change
(xvi) Did I mention we hate spam?
(xvii) We only allow one entrance at a time to our service per customer, sorry.
(xviii) Don't tell us about yourself, or anyone else, we don't care



B If you don't follow our rules we may or may not do the following to you..

(i) Ban you for a bit
(ii) Ban you permanently
(iii) Delete yo **!%



C If you get in **!% with the government we'll give them every single detail we have about you

5. You mess up your account in any way shape or form we can't hear you, we can't hear you. lalalalala not listening not listening!

6. You can't use our **!% to host your **!%, comprende?

7. We can do anything we want with anything you put on battle.net sucker!

8. Just because we say it on battle.net doesn't mean it's real!

9. You don't like these rules? Destroy your **!% and we'll call it even. If we don't like you? lol, we'll just ban you, no hard feelings!

10. Here's what you've just agreed to even though there's no way you've read this far.

(i) You pay for anything battle.net costs you.
(ii) What's on battle.net is what's on battle.net (We're redundant if you haven't noticed already)
(iii) Surprise! have a cookie!
(iv) We can dig through your browsing history you pervert....
(v) Our **!% might not work properly sometimes, other times it'll just cause you problems, you know, the usual. Enjoy!
(vi) Oh yea, and sometimes it just doesn't work at all.
(vii) And lastly, if our **!% breaks your **!%, tough **!%!
(viii) Sometimes we lose the stuff of yours we store on our servers. Sorry!
(ix) I know it's real easy to copy on here, but don't do it with our game plz!
(x) Sometimes we got bored and delete random files.
(xi) The y2k bug didn't actually do anything so we made a 90 day file use inactivity deleting program, it works perfectly!
(xii) Pssst! If your hardcore character dies? He's really dead, we weren't kidding..
(xiii) Hack all you want, we know it's going to happen anyways
(xiv) Anyone else that touches your computer gets hit with all the rules in this bible btw...



11. We use your email to communicate but aren't actually liable for anything we do or do not do with said email

12. If we ask you if you're our #%%!*, you say yes.

13. This is the part where we cover our asses and claim ignorance on any and all Battle.net warranties

14. In case you missed it the first time, if our **!% breaks your **!%, tough **!%!

15. Uhhh, we're in Californian and we use their laws which means you do to now!


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Posted: October 24th, 2009, 8:49 pm
 
Tault_admin

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lol nice 1.


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Posted: November 10th, 2009, 9:43 am
 
dark84

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thats pretty hilarius, although i'm sure anyone who's played any blizzard game for more then a mounth already knows all that hahahaha they make it pretty clear, even if you just play the game... its so easy to see cuss they dont care hahaha


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Posted: December 18th, 2009, 12:04 am
 
fuhades

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lol


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Posted: January 11th, 2010, 8:45 am
 
azzatek

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I can honestly say that after reading this I feel no need to actually read the real EULA or ToS or whatever they want to call it. This nailed everything I remember trying to read when I got the game, minus the cookie part, I want a cookie...


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Posted: January 15th, 2010, 8:28 pm
 
Tault_admin

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Yea they have a nazi version of a eula its bad.


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Posted: March 8th, 2010, 3:11 am
 
facehugga
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Nice post :-)

But affraid it's true, really true. Blizzard made their options to play this thingy instantly in godmode and forever.


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